...or at least, in my own perception! In all likelihood there's probably some "right place right person right time" business going on as well, but whatevs.
5. Not taking care of myself physically: when I don't take care of myself, I'm low energy, not my energetic self, sleepy and a bit complainy. MOSTLY, this is about sleep schedule. I always want to stay up late and sleep in, but I have a horrible habit of staying up so late that even sleeping in doesn't give me enough sleep. And/or, even enough sleep isn't restful at the wrong time.
4. Not taking care of myself hygienically: to clarify, I don't think I'm gross! But instead of being in the habit of getting ready for the day each morning, I push snooze forever and thus put off showering and face washing, etc for that morning, then get busy all day, then whoops! It's time for institute/fhe/friend time and I'm wearing a dandruffy ponytail!
3. Not taking care of my appearance: all of the above lead directly into make-up and hair, which lead directly into feeling excited about what to wear/how to dress instead of just picking out whatever's easiest (and has probably been worn 4 times in the last week). Being clean and made up and cute always makes me feel happy and - you guessed it - more like myself! And it's how I picture myself living my life in the future (when I'm feeling positive).
2. Fearfulness: I can get SO tied up in silly fears! I'm either worried that someone I'm not interested in thinks I am and I'm afraid to cut loose and just be a proper friend, or I'm worried that I'm being an obnoxious clinger to someone I AM interested. In both cases, the fear either causes itself to come true or results in me going into "detach and distance" mode. Silly me!
1. Being weird about my interests: I love a lot of things (usually historical, cultural, science fiction and fantasy things) and can get a bit obsessive, but besides the surface level, I don't relate on a deep level to other geeks who are really obsessive about their various geekdoms. The super-invested geek is generally not what I'm looking for in a guy. On the other hand, I LOVE random trivia and details and am chock full of them, and once I get started, man, I can just SPOUT off forever on a given subject! And I get very passionate about these things, and relate them to all sorts of deep stuff and wax philosophical about it. Example: I love Legend of Zelda. I've done drawings of the characters, know pretty much every game and how they relate, could probably write a thesis on the lore/timelines/consistencies/inconsistencies and the psychology behind it and how they reflect the qualities real folklore, etc. When I run into another Zelda nerd, it can be REALLY fun to talk about! But I'm so turned off by a guy who sits and plays video games all the time...see? My interests are quirky, and if someone else knows as much about them as I do, they're probably waaay too into it for me. On the other hand...I never know quite what to say to so-called "normal" guys who have a GOOD balance about entertainment vs other worthy pursuits, so I end up pigeon-holing myself as an extreme nerd/geek! And I do this to myself, I really do.
And it's all a cycle...getting into a research/"geek out" zone is usually what leads to improper sleep, which takes us right through the list again.
Ta da! Self-sabotage for the win!
Happy Valentine's Day!!!
By the way, I had a GREAT one. I made spinach-stuffed chicken breasts wrapped in bacon and served them to the sister missionaries and some friends for a Valentine's dinner, after which I saw P.S. I Love You for the first time with some other friends, after which I stayed up late talking to a very dear friend I don't get to see often enough. A day full of love! It was perfect.
Hope your Valentine's Day was grand! What did you do/opt not to do?
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