Love Again

Happy Valentine's Day! Or as I'd say to my good friend Jeremy, Hap Peeve Allen Times'd Hey!

This year the theme for my life seems to be love in the form of serving. Last week I visited our Bishop's wife for 3 hours. She has a very rare disease but basically she now has very reduced physical and mental abilities. His love for her is amazing. She is his sweetheart in every way, and that didn't change when she started changing. But she's just so happy, and sweet, and always willing to talk! We watched "Emma" with Gwyneth Paltrow.

Then yesterday I helped my roommate embroider a pillowcase for her boyfriend. It was super fun teaching her how to do a simple stitch and then working on the Superman "S" myself! I ended up staying up until 3am last night and waking up at 8:30 am to work on it again until 10:30am. So at a time when I've struggled to wake up in general, that's what I figured out motivates me - showing love by service :)

The finished pillowcase! Katalina did most of his name and I did the symbol. All in ONE night!

Hope you're all having a happy holiday, and not feeling all embittered! Commercialization of a holiday doesn't bother me because it's still a day to feel, and make others feel, special. Always awesome!

For a while everyone was out and I had the apartment to myself. I gave my roommate Bristine a special massage with candles to make her feel better from violin practice ALL DAY, then I brought the candles and music into the main room and made these strawberry-shaped cake pops and wrote a letter to my future husband. It was AWESOME.

How was your day?

<3

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Nailed it!!!!!

Birthday Wishes!

Okay, some of you been asking! Here's a little "myregistry.com" list of random things I've run into that I like. :)  These are just specific random things. I tend to love anything that makes someone think of me! But if you're "bum-puzzled" about what to look for...here you go :D

http://www.myregistry.com/visitors/giftlist.aspx?sid=ee623584-5fef-451e-bb5f-96bc06977707

Tata!

LOOK! It's my LIFE!

Lauren took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Seeks success, stimulation, and a life full of exp..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

If I ever wrote a story about Rapunzel

She would have short hair, but magical powers that make it shoot out super-long and she could control it like tentacles. It'd be sweet.

Also her hair would not be blond.

Oh P.S. I moved to Utah! Drove here all by myself in my minivan with a good number of my belongings. And successfully graduated yay.

Great Advice

This blogger was talking about how the phrase "friend-zone" is offensive, which I totally didn't get at first, but now I do - ask in the comments if you're interested in that! But point being, I responded with a question about how to help deal with my fear of "leading someone on." I loved her response:

"When it comes to ‘leading someone on’, know that it’s not actually something you can do. That’s a myth. How someone else interprets your actions is on them. How they respond is on them. You just be you in the most positive way possible. If that means letting someone down, let them down. If it means going on a date to make up your mind, that’s fine too. That’s what dates are for. When you make up your mind, your choice is good. Just because it’s not what the other person wants doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to make it. Especially when it comes to starting a relationship.
It is good though that you’re being honest and communicating. The best thing would be to get to a place where you can feel comfortable telling your date that you’re on the fence about them. This guilt over your choice shouldn’t be. You own you. You should look after your best interest. A good friend, a good partner, will respect that. You deserve that."

AWESOME.

Now, I do think "leading someone on" is possible, not in that you can control how someone perceives your actions, but if you're actively trying to be deceitful about your intentions. But that's not something that's a problem for me. So basically...I can let go of that! Let that one fly off like a balloon the moment it's released.

PHEW. Feels good.

SCHOOL ALMOST DONE AGH YAY

Okay okay okay I am FREAKING OUT WITH JOY! aghghghallalalalala yaaaaaay!

Not ONLY am I done WITH MY ENTIRE BACHELOR'S DEGREE except one harp lesson and one class/its final (!!!) but I've been reviewing my GPA stuff and grad school options! And I THOUGHT MY GPA WAS SO MUCH WORSE THAN IT REALLY IS!!!!!!!!

 In my mind I kept counting my medical withdrawal stuff as 0s, but they just don't count, period. ALSO, I keep basing where I think I'm at by how I felt I was doing at the time I took the course - so I assumed my major-only GPA was way worse because so much panic went into writing the papers and I only remembered the stress and missed deadlines. Also I've been sure all semester that my science class was going to be a C. As it really stands, if I skip the final ENTIRELY I still have a B! Which I of course WILL NOT DO because now I have the shiny golden prospect of an *A* peeking out from among the clouds.

POINT BEING my graduating cumulative GPA is going to be 3.31-3.36 no matter what I do, and though that's not up to my usual standard, it's NOT BAD! And my MAJOR'S GPA is going to be a 3.7 - the only two Bs being because of the post-anxiety-attack stress stuff I was still recovering from. So WOOOOOOOO! I feel GREAT! And, okay, I'm planning on applying to graduate school, of course...but I keep being like "well, I'm not going to get another loan and I don't have money, so I'll just have to work and wait." But it turns out, if I apply for joint MFA/PhD programs, you get all sorts of fellowship nonsense that covers the first two years or so of tuition and pays additionally!

 And I was reviewing the requirements for the creative writing program at Cornell and it's like the application requirements were MADE FOR ME (or at least I feel so now, in my giddy state). They include a creative writing sample of about 10,000 words and a literary critique-y essay of 3,000-5,000 words. I happen to have two things of the appropriate length on hand that just need some sorting through and refining! One, excerpts from the story of my HEART that I've been working on since I was 12, and which received the most positive reviews in workshops that I've EVER gotten, and the other, two papers on Milton's Paradise Lost that my teacher encouraged me to combine and seek critical publication for. I mean obviously it's not like I feel like "awwww yeah, Cornell's gonna love me, I'm so getting in!" but I'm encouraged to know I have stronger things to bring to the table than I ever thought.

 So.

Yay!

 2 days until my last class
3 days until my last harp lesson
7 days until my last final
12 days until my graduation

Another Random Thing I Thought As A Child

I remember when my little sister Lindsay found out that for us girls, our last name changed when we got married. I already knew that, so when Lindsay ran up to me at church all in a tizzy about it and said, "did you know your NAME changes when you get married?!" I thought she was presenting NEW information - that we ALSO get to change our first name!

I was wondering if we got to pick our own. I was thinking Melissa or Rachel. Surprising, because I adored the name Nicole and had been planning since forEVer to name my daughter Nicole and thus named all my favorite (brunette) dolls Nicole. But maybe it was just so fixed in my mind as my daughters name that I couldn't think of it as my own, though that didn't stop 8th grade me from designing an alter-ego named Nicole Booker, a librarian and novelist with curly, medium-dark brown hair who always wore very flattering fitted sweaters and glasses (this was before I wore glasses).

Anyway. It was while I was considering other names that I realized how much I loved Lauren Elise. I asked Mom if I could keep it. I already suspected I was wrong about the first name change anyway, but I don't think Mama pointed it out, just said yes, I could stay Lauren.

:)

BTW my niece Nicole, I think my loving your name so much before you were even born just shows how much I loved you already!